A friend of mine recently opined (we were talking about one of our mutual friends) that [our friend] had gotten 'a thousand life points' ever since his recent marriage. She meant that his life had suddenly taken a turn for the better. And, of course, it was true. He got a better paying job, moved to a better house in a nice neighbourhood, and lost all traces that he had once been a bum like the rest of us. The 'rest of us' being, of course, the circle of friends which he was(is) a part of.
And looking back now, I realise that this has been true for a lot of people I've been associated with over the years. Now, I don't believe for a minute that it is the addition of a partner that brings about this change, because it's also something I've noticed occurring whenever a child is going to be in the future of someone. I believe that when one marries or conceives a child, one develops a sense of responsibility and strives much harder to give that person the life they belive the person deserves. Of course, the addition of a second income to the household (in the case of marriage or child support) doesn't hurt either. *cue studio laugh*
This realisation lead me to take a look at my life to see if there was anything or anyone I could develop a sense of responsibility towards which would afflict me with the drive to make my life better, so as to make theirs better. Sadly, there isn't. I mean, I have a girlfriend and all..... but she's fine where she is. I don't need to buy her stuff, or make sure the bills are paid on time so she has light and water and whatever the hell else females cant do without (sanitary napkins.... yeah) because her family provides for her beautifully. I still get the urge to buy her stuff.... and I do...... but I don't need to.
The most distressing part about this is that she feels that need to make sacrifices and do all she can to make my life better. Which is sweet, but makes me guilty as hell. *heartfelt sigh* I'm lying. This blog was supposed to be honest, right?
The truth is that I'm afraid to care so much about a person that their happiness is the deciding factor in making my decisions. I'm afraid that who I am, and my own happiness, will come second to this person. But that's not the real scare here. The real scare is: if I continue to be with this girl, I may not mind changing. And I may not mind getting that thousand life points at all......
-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz
