Update

So I've been busy. I've been trying to find an addiction that I like enough to want to stick to it.

*Looks at previous sentence*

*Scratches head*

That made sense.....right? *awkward pause*

Well, whatever! It's my blog and I can do whatever I want!!! *huffs*

Well... now that I'm finished acting childish, lets see if I can concentrate long enough to let y'all know what exactly I've been up to. Firstly, to all those who sent me messages asking for sex..... No. I am currently only interested with having sex with 2 women and she's not interested. Yes. Two women, one body. So what?

Next, it may come as good news for some to know that I have given up smoking weed and popping 'X'. It was fun while it lasted. (This is not to say that if I'm at a party and there's stuff floating around... know what I mean? *wink*) I have also, after doing research, determined that I will not attempt Crystal Meth, Heroine, Cocaine, or Coke. Further research is necessary to determine what drug I will try next.

Liquor is still a big part of my life (although I worry about the liver sometimes) and is currently being strictly controlled by a group of over-zealous idiots who call themselves my friends and try to keep me alive. So far, its been working. Thats the end of this report.

So.... on to other matters. If u haven't noticed yet, I'm alive!!! *holds for applause* And it fells good too. Hope you like the little poem-like thingie I posted before this :), Till next time!

-Kapil Dev

Conflicted

Loving you’s a tricky business, my mind gets split two ways:
I want to be with you until the end of all my days..
I wear your labeling with pride and swear you are all mine…
But somewhere, somehow, deep inside, my fears approach sublime.

No reason exists for my distrust but my own misguided mind…
For someone, somewhere broke my trust and I fear you’ll repeat the crime.
Your kisses seem a bit too sweet,  your love a bit too real….
But when you withhold both from me I gain a brand new fear:

I fear the demons of the night that whisper in my ear,
Asking where you’d rather be since you refuse to be here..
I tell them that you’re busy, as busy as can be,
But my words are drowned out by the tales they spin to me.

They tell me of the guy next door that doesn’t want for cash,
Or maybe someone new at work who measures ‘swag’ in mass.
Someone with a bigger dick or much better in bed…..
The things things that I imagine start to fill my heart with dread.

I believe you on some levels when you tell me of your love,
But then I wonder if i’m the only one you’re thinking of
When it’s late and you’re in bed and wishing someone’s there with you,
Is it me you’re thinking of? Or is there someone else with you?

I think about this way to hard to even guess the truth,
But all these worries disappear whenever I hold you.
I look into your eyes and it becomes a brighter day;
I swear that I can feel my worries melting all away…

Maybe the feelings that i have are natural in some way,
I’m sure you have your own doubts that affect you like the plague,
And even though I’m conflicted and sometimes appear confused,
I’d rather cut my arm off than to walk away from you.