You know, let me apologize in advance for some of the shit that's gonna go down on this post. This post will contain expletives. If you do not wish to see any, then don't read past this point.
I am one angry motherfucker. And this isn't even a healthy anger. You know, anger directed at anything in particular? naa. This shit is fucking uni-directional. I mean, its anger at a situation.....its just spilling over into everything else. And y everything I mean EVERY THING. I'm pissed at my mom (biological) for the shit she put me through when i was younger. I'm pissed at my father for never being there for me until it was way too fucking late for me to recover. I'm pissed at my little brother Glenroy for always being the 'cool' one, the athletic one, the one who everyone wanted to be around.
I'm pissed at myself.....for so many fucking things I cant even begin to count. Shit.... I think this is the most truthful and spontaneous thing I've ever written. but even i all this truth...I know I'm lying to myself. I'm not really angry, u know? Its more like this anger is a front for what i really feel. I'm scared. I'm really and honestly scared of whats going to happen to me from here on. I don't have an anchor anymore. The one person who was with me through thick and thin.....whether we were together or not..... The one person above everyone else that I would trust with my life......just told me that they're cutting me off.
What am I supposed to do now? Who will I talk to about the stuff i cant tell anyone else? When I'm feeling lonely and crying my eyes out who is going to tell me that i'll be fine....that someone loves me and its ok? I don't think she ever really understood what our relationship was about. She was always the strong one. And this has absolutely nothing to do with her being my gf or whatever. Not talking about romance right now. But she was quite literally the ying to my yang. And I'm afraid I don't know what comes after this. I honestly don't know what to do with my life anymore.
This was never supposed to become so personal, actually. I just wanted to rage against some stuff and post, but...I guess the truth needed to be set free. I'm not angry anymore. I'm just lonely. I'm just cold. I'm.....lost, i guess.
-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz
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Tell me what you think.... Be honest. I dont bite often.