On painful revelations

Some of us-the truly brave- sometimes try to find out what exactly a person thinks about them. This can be for many reasons. It can be because of a love interest, because of insecurity..... A number of things could be the cause. But whatever the cause, or the expectations, whenever a person comes out and lays all that they think about u on the table, it's almost always a terrible shock.

Sometimes its not exactly what they say that causes the shock, it's the way it is put across. If a person is full-out, completely straight with you, it's possible they are either completely pissed, or they have a grudge against you. Kinda works out to the same thing.

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from LIME.

On relationships (I)

Married people go on and on about the joys of married life and society (fueled by church indoctrination) also purports that 'getting hitched' is something to aspire to; but what is so good about being in a committed relationship, really? Is it the prospect of not having to go through the whole chase in search of getting laid? The prospect of not being alone and sharing your life with someone?

Now, the getting laid thing makes sense... A lot of sense, actually, but I can't imagine myself giving up my privacy and comfort to devote myself to satisfying the whims and demands of someone else just for that. I do recognise that there are some people who have an overwhelming need to either be needed, or to rely on someone. To those persons, do what u have to do: your sanity depends on it.

To the rest of us, however, don't suffer from such maladies. What's our excuse? Yes, I am fully aware that I said "Our" *bbm facepalm*.

The reason I included myself though, is that I have noticed a disturbing attraction to a particular female that I just cannot shake... But enough of that. Let's talk about being single.

Well.... Maybe not now. Battery is about to die. Ciao!

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from LIME.

Email Posting

It's not very convenient to always have to log on to a computer to post. I have therefore decided to setup this email thingie so I can post on the go.

So here goes:

*test*

*crosses fingers*

Let's hope it works then!!

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from LIME.

on the 'Unfix'....

So I came to this Cyber Cafe...well.... it's really just a place to go and waste your money. First of all, they have 4 computers going through a 1 Mbps connection. I mean.....1 Mbps? Who has that nowadays except your grandma in the country who is unable to do much more than checking her email?

In this society, the faster we can get things done, the better it it. So you can imagine when I, suffering from music withdrawal, came to this place in seek of relief, only to be confronted with this sub-sub-standard service. The first thing I was greeted with upon inquiring about the service is that the price was $100 per HALF-HOUR. Now, to those readers (if there are any) who do not live in Jamaica, this is the equivalent of highway robbery.

However, like a good little addict, I swallowed my revulsion and, with trembling hands, took the last remaining $100 of spending money I had and handed it over. I should have realized something at this point, because the place was completely empty, but all I was focused on at the time was getting my 'fix'. I sat at the computer, booted up IE, and asked for a pair of headphones. I was handed a headset with built-in mic. So far so good, right?

So I navigated to youtube, not minding that the p[age took 63 seconds longer than usual to load because I only thinking about my fix. My precious music fix. I tried to load Creed's 'One last Breath'. The page came up....so far so good. The black flash window came up...... so far so good. The recommended related videos on the left came up, sans thumbnail pics........um, not so good, but maybe the'll load in a li'l bit. The little animation the shows flash is loading came up......I smiled..... I was still smiling 2 minutes later, but it was a different smile. This was the type of smile that shows strain....or the smile you see on a terminal cancer patient that belies their pain.

EIGHT FUCKING MINUTES LATER, I had only gone through 45 mins of the song. By this time my leg was jerking spasmodically and my hand was beating out a war dance on the top of the counter. The person at the desk asked me what was wrong. I told her she said, "Oh...", then she turned back to her book. I asked, "Um... did you just say 'Oh'?" She said "Well, yeah. There's nothing I can do about that." Now, I'm not a boor...I know there's nothing she can do because I had just accessed their modem to check the Internet speed. But her attitude!!! OMG, her attitude. so I proceeded to make her life hell.

I complained about everything. I kept interrupting her, saying rude things, annoying her.... but none of this worked. She was as unshakable as The Rock. I gave up, and proceeded to write this post.

Well.... um.... yeah. I guess that's it. I don't even know where the title came from, but whatever.

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz

On a rant

So I am rather upset at myself....but that's not what this post is about. Um......what was it about again? Um......shit. My thoughts are too jumbled to focus on anything....... Forgive me dear reader, give me a second so I can rant.

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Thank you for your patience. Today, I'm pissed. It has always been said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but it has never been as real to me as it was earlier today. I am totally and completely certain that I am as big a moron as ever walked this earth. I mean, what kind of person pokes fun at someone who's looking to them for understanding and support? A moron, that's who. But, my intentions were good. I was just trying to cheer her up, I swear!!

But the ends, as I found out, do not always justify the means.

I am prepared, however, to ask for forgiveness (as soon as she consents to speak with me again) and endeavour to make sure it doesn't happen again. Of course, there's always the chance that I have been deemed unfit and have been deleted from bbm, blocked from fb and unfollowed on twitter....*checks* Naa, seems I'm good for now.

Writing is therapeutic. I should write more. At least I can now manage a wry smile instead of the......um.....whatever that was.

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz

On How I Feel

On Equivalent Exchange

Being a mostly logical person, the theory of equivalent exchange has always been how I try to live my life. If someone does a favour for me, I will either do a favour in return of the same magnitude, or a series of smaller favours. Of course, this value of magnitude is relative, and what I may consider a huge favour may seem like nothing to you. This may sometimes cause slight problems with how the repayment is taken by the other party.


A prime example is about a year ago when I was in a bit of a tight situation and a friend of mine helped me out (financially). Now, she's a bit well off and the amount she gave me was small to her, but the situation I was in made it a HUGE favour to me. So I started to pay her back a little at a time. It so happened that she asked for sex a couple times and I consented. After about a month, I considered my debt paid and turned down sex. She was distraught. Apparently she was of the impression that we were more than just friends with occasional benefits...... Because of that experience, I've started to make sure that boundaries-or lack thereof- in my relationships are clearly explained and pointed out.


But back to Equivalent Exchange. I am firmly of the belief that whatever you invest in a relationship determines the return that will be available. To this end, I have decided that if I am to enter a relationship, I will endeavour to accept wholeheartedly all of the peculiarities of my partner and try to make allowances. This, theoretically, will ensure that the same courtesies will be extended to me.


Not that I have many...um...oddities, but I do have a couple. For example, I love cereal and will become a beast if any1 touches my Reeces Puffs, Lucky Charms, Honey Nut Cheerio's or Frosted flakes. I also snack constantly, and will therefore flatly refuse to eat food. Then of course, there are the days when I will go hours without eating or feeling hungry. Um... that was just 1, btw.....


LOL.


So back to the topic. In investing so much of myself, I therefore close off other parts of my life. For example, If I'm in a relationship then I lose the option to play around (i.e. have sex with) other women without the consent of my partner. That is annoying, but necessary if the relationship is to work. And this has pretty much how it is, with anything in life.


The principle of equivalent exchange is actually mostly associated with Alchemy, where the product of any alchemic reaction is only as great as the sum of it's parts, and to receive anything, something of equal value must be offered. To this end, I have adopted a quote from an unknown source which I read quite a while ago in some book of the sort.

"People must make a choice as to whether their 'Desires' are worth the 'Cost' that they require..."

Lovely, isn't it?


-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz

#A/N: The Pic in the background is a part of the Achemic circle.