on the 'Unfix'....

So I came to this Cyber Cafe...well.... it's really just a place to go and waste your money. First of all, they have 4 computers going through a 1 Mbps connection. I mean.....1 Mbps? Who has that nowadays except your grandma in the country who is unable to do much more than checking her email?

In this society, the faster we can get things done, the better it it. So you can imagine when I, suffering from music withdrawal, came to this place in seek of relief, only to be confronted with this sub-sub-standard service. The first thing I was greeted with upon inquiring about the service is that the price was $100 per HALF-HOUR. Now, to those readers (if there are any) who do not live in Jamaica, this is the equivalent of highway robbery.

However, like a good little addict, I swallowed my revulsion and, with trembling hands, took the last remaining $100 of spending money I had and handed it over. I should have realized something at this point, because the place was completely empty, but all I was focused on at the time was getting my 'fix'. I sat at the computer, booted up IE, and asked for a pair of headphones. I was handed a headset with built-in mic. So far so good, right?

So I navigated to youtube, not minding that the p[age took 63 seconds longer than usual to load because I only thinking about my fix. My precious music fix. I tried to load Creed's 'One last Breath'. The page came up....so far so good. The black flash window came up...... so far so good. The recommended related videos on the left came up, sans thumbnail pics........um, not so good, but maybe the'll load in a li'l bit. The little animation the shows flash is loading came up......I smiled..... I was still smiling 2 minutes later, but it was a different smile. This was the type of smile that shows strain....or the smile you see on a terminal cancer patient that belies their pain.

EIGHT FUCKING MINUTES LATER, I had only gone through 45 mins of the song. By this time my leg was jerking spasmodically and my hand was beating out a war dance on the top of the counter. The person at the desk asked me what was wrong. I told her she said, "Oh...", then she turned back to her book. I asked, "Um... did you just say 'Oh'?" She said "Well, yeah. There's nothing I can do about that." Now, I'm not a boor...I know there's nothing she can do because I had just accessed their modem to check the Internet speed. But her attitude!!! OMG, her attitude. so I proceeded to make her life hell.

I complained about everything. I kept interrupting her, saying rude things, annoying her.... but none of this worked. She was as unshakable as The Rock. I gave up, and proceeded to write this post.

Well.... um.... yeah. I guess that's it. I don't even know where the title came from, but whatever.

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz