On giving advice (II)

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ddmpatterson@gmail.com says:

19:16:46Dear Kapil Hoe, it is Borderline hoe again. one of my dearest childhood friends decided to give me advice on my relationship situation when her boyfriend told her not to come to my birthday party. While advice is all nice and well, her telling me not to talk to my other dude because he is bad for me and he my be using me to get back at my ex, and the other dude is looking her, doesnt qualify as logical advice. I'm still upset at her for not coming, and since she does have a history of making worse choices than I do, is it fair i told her to mind her own bisnis since the pot shudnt be lecturing the kettle? Worse her boyfriend is displaying abuser tendencies and she doesnt see it. What shud I do?

I say:

19:26:12Dear Borderline, firstly, when will u make the jump to Hoe and stop this borderline business? Anyway, your friend deserves the mental equivalent of a slap so she can see her own situation instead of annoying u with her totally unnecessary views on urs. Also, to get this straight, is it that the guy ur talking to (the one ur actual bf hates) is after that girl even though he's [allegedly] with u? If that is the case, u may just want to make sure that he is not ur main bf, just to protect whatever shred of morality and emotional stability that remains in u.

-Kapil Hoe

-Kapil Dev

on giving advice (I)

The following is an excerpt from a convo I had with a good friend of mine. I hope u laugh!!!

ddmpatterson says:

19:04:19: Dear Dr. Kapil Hoe Blake, I seem to have a problem. While caught between 2 guys, I'm getting to know my deceased older brother's best friend from high school. He always treatedd me nice, and allowed me to hurt him. The problem with this I knew him from I was 9, and he is 10 years older. He admitted that he had feelings for me that developed over the years and chose not to say anything, while he saw me get intimate with another of his friends. If I continue, his feelings will get worse and he may get hurt. What should I do? Signed BHP sufferer (borderline hoe personality)

I say:

19:08:29: Dear BHP Sufferer, It's no problem to mess around with as many men as possible as long as you're being careful and you know who ur baby's daddy is. Also, please be sure to keep ur many relationships seperate from each other as there may be serious consequences (for example, being without a partner) that may arise if u disregard that warning. Finally, Please remember that ur playmates are people too, no matter how they allow u to trample their feelings and enslave them to ur will. U may wanna keep that in mind. -Kapil Hoe

LOL!!!! IKR!!!!! anyway, more to follow.

-Kapil Dev

On painful experiences.....

One of the things I've often said is that I could have never become the person I am now without having been through the trials I've faced. Now, that's totally true, and I'm [relatively] ok with the person I am, but every now and then I wonder if it may have been better to have skipped a particular set of experiences.
As always, when I'm not doing anything my mind tends to wonder and delve into memories that leave me despondent and emotionally disturbed. This may be a contributing factor to my constant need to be distracted and/or in the company of other people. This also could partially explain why I mostly cloud my thinking processes with drugs when I'm feeling 'lonely'.
For a couple weeks now, I've been dwelling on this girl called Samantha. Not that we had a good relationship or anything...we never even kissed, actually... (yeah, yeah....go ahead and laugh). But she was special. She was the only person I could tell everything without reservation. We spent hours talking about life, shooting the breeze, laughing about stuff that happened at work.... She was an awesome friend.
However, one day I realized that I love her. It was rather devastating how I found out, actually.... She told me she was gonna move in with a guy. In hindsight, I think she told me in person just so she could see my expression. I tried to hide it but she had already seen.... She already knew.
In the night she called and told me that we couldn't be friends anymore. Her reason was that she loved me. I didn't understand though, until she sent me a text explaining that she had always loved me, but thought I wasn't interested. She then said the reason we couldn't be in contact was because she was pregnant for the dude and he loves her. She was positive that if we still kept in contact she would have to leave the dude for me. She didn't want to do that.
That was the most heart-rending thing that has ever happened to me, but I respected her. I kept my promise. I still check her facebook....still pump her friends for information about her....still miss our talks.... But she's moved on now, and I hope that someday, so will I.

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from LIME.

On relationships (I)

Married people go on and on about the joys of married life and society (fueled by church indoctrination) also purports that 'getting hitched' is something to aspire to; but what is so good about being in a committed relationship, really? Is it the prospect of not having to go through the whole chase in search of getting laid? The prospect of not being alone and sharing your life with someone?

Now, the getting laid thing makes sense... A lot of sense, actually, but I can't imagine myself giving up my privacy and comfort to devote myself to satisfying the whims and demands of someone else just for that. I do recognise that there are some people who have an overwhelming need to either be needed, or to rely on someone. To those persons, do what u have to do: your sanity depends on it.

To the rest of us, however, don't suffer from such maladies. What's our excuse? Yes, I am fully aware that I said "Our" *bbm facepalm*.

The reason I included myself though, is that I have noticed a disturbing attraction to a particular female that I just cannot shake... But enough of that. Let's talk about being single.

Well.... Maybe not now. Battery is about to die. Ciao!

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from LIME.

Email Posting

It's not very convenient to always have to log on to a computer to post. I have therefore decided to setup this email thingie so I can post on the go.

So here goes:

*test*

*crosses fingers*

Let's hope it works then!!

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from LIME.

on the 'Unfix'....

So I came to this Cyber Cafe...well.... it's really just a place to go and waste your money. First of all, they have 4 computers going through a 1 Mbps connection. I mean.....1 Mbps? Who has that nowadays except your grandma in the country who is unable to do much more than checking her email?

In this society, the faster we can get things done, the better it it. So you can imagine when I, suffering from music withdrawal, came to this place in seek of relief, only to be confronted with this sub-sub-standard service. The first thing I was greeted with upon inquiring about the service is that the price was $100 per HALF-HOUR. Now, to those readers (if there are any) who do not live in Jamaica, this is the equivalent of highway robbery.

However, like a good little addict, I swallowed my revulsion and, with trembling hands, took the last remaining $100 of spending money I had and handed it over. I should have realized something at this point, because the place was completely empty, but all I was focused on at the time was getting my 'fix'. I sat at the computer, booted up IE, and asked for a pair of headphones. I was handed a headset with built-in mic. So far so good, right?

So I navigated to youtube, not minding that the p[age took 63 seconds longer than usual to load because I only thinking about my fix. My precious music fix. I tried to load Creed's 'One last Breath'. The page came up....so far so good. The black flash window came up...... so far so good. The recommended related videos on the left came up, sans thumbnail pics........um, not so good, but maybe the'll load in a li'l bit. The little animation the shows flash is loading came up......I smiled..... I was still smiling 2 minutes later, but it was a different smile. This was the type of smile that shows strain....or the smile you see on a terminal cancer patient that belies their pain.

EIGHT FUCKING MINUTES LATER, I had only gone through 45 mins of the song. By this time my leg was jerking spasmodically and my hand was beating out a war dance on the top of the counter. The person at the desk asked me what was wrong. I told her she said, "Oh...", then she turned back to her book. I asked, "Um... did you just say 'Oh'?" She said "Well, yeah. There's nothing I can do about that." Now, I'm not a boor...I know there's nothing she can do because I had just accessed their modem to check the Internet speed. But her attitude!!! OMG, her attitude. so I proceeded to make her life hell.

I complained about everything. I kept interrupting her, saying rude things, annoying her.... but none of this worked. She was as unshakable as The Rock. I gave up, and proceeded to write this post.

Well.... um.... yeah. I guess that's it. I don't even know where the title came from, but whatever.

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz

On Life

Went off the reservation (Kingston) for the first time in a while these past couple days. It was oddly disquieting to find out that my lil brother is growing up just as I did. He's a quiet kid who doesnt really talk to people and hangs out in the library when he's at school. He's also got the same knack for Math that I had when I was at his age. Wonder if he'll get bored of it too?

I also found out that its fun to just chill and hang out. I mean.... that constant presure for sex I've gotten used to feeling from the opposite sex was absent. I couldtalk about anything and everything.... And u know what? We did! I swear, it was the most amazing non-sex time I've spent with a female. And I hope to do it again.

There's something immensely satisfying about talking, just talking..... No expectations, no censoring, just rambling on about anything that came to mind. But there were times when my train of thought was derailed by her smile.... by her eyes....

I should probably talk about this since its on my mind this much. Her lips... her lips are like..um... idk.... but if I had a lip type, her's would definitely take the cake. She has times when she smiles and it figuratively takes my breath away....

Ok. If i keep on writing about her I'll start writing poems again, and I dont wanna go down that road right now. So, back to the fam. I am astonished to realize that I have no idea how to spell the names of my 2 smallest sisters. That is bad. I should change that. for the moment, however, I'll just spell them phoneticallly. The eldest of the 2 is Katarini (Katarina? (Katurina? (Katurini?))) and she is a little wise-ass! She has a comeback for everything, I swear! She should be a lawyer. And the ego of this girl!! OMG! If she doesnt develop a superiority complex, it would mean that she's been to a shrink. Yes, i'm serious.

Then there's the angel.... my baby... Katuree (Katurie?), who is easily the cutest girl in the world!!! She's so affectionate too! Sometimes I wished she lived with me because I'd never feel lonely if she's there; she gives me all hugs and kisses I need.

*sigh* I should probably explain why this is important. I hate people touching me without permission. At the same time, I love to be touched. When I was younger I was of the impression that there was some sort of were-animal in my blood because I exhibited a lot of mental characteristics of a pack animal. That is to say, I loved to be touched; I was extremely defensive of things and people I considered to be mine, and my 'mate' (I am not kidding. I thought like this!); I was extremely territorial (any1 who touched my books was dead!)..... well.... looking at it now, I was probably just looking for an escape from the 'real'. lol.

Well, It wasnt long after that when I realized that books were just fantasy written down on paper. I also developed the ability to read and imagine at the same time. It became addictive. My fantasies were so real that more than once I can remember telling some1 about a movie that I've watched that was so awesome, only to realize that it was actually a book that I've read. The image was so vivid in my mind that I thought it was a movie.

It got worse. It was more pleasurable to retreat into the depths of my mind than to stay in reality. I spent hours... sometimes days locked away in a room with only my books, venturing to 'this' reality only when hunger or fatigue forcibly pulled me from 'my' reality. For that's what it was.... My reality. It was more real to me than the fantasy of school, the annoying people who caled themselves family and wanted me to leave the room,. the annoying people who called themselves friends who wanted me to run around like a barbarian and act like a monkey, the annoying people called teachers who thought that the simple stuff they were trying to teach was of a higher priority than my books...... lol. I was a crazy kid.

It got to the point where my fantasies started to encroach on the real world. I would be walking and I would go through this immense adventure, only to be jarred back to reality when I walked up into a wall, or a lightpost, or when some1 started asking me why I was staring at a blank wall, or when I tripped over a stone, or when a car blew suddenly because I was about to walk into it...... A lot of stuff.

I was a troubled kid.

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz

On sex...and other niceties

Sex is awesome. <----#fact. It is also truth (yes...fact and truth can be different things!!!). Sex in public places, however, is simply mind blowing! I'm sure that I'm not the only person who thinks so, esp since there are so many porn sites that cater to it. But sex is never just 'sex' to me. Sex starts long before the actual act of penetration. In fact... sex could start a whole week or 2 before intercourse. At least... that's been my experience.

Sex is firstly a mental thing. Esp for women. The mood has to be set.....the leadup has to be right.... the timing has to be right.... Well, at least that's how I think. I'm not one of those dudes who can just meet a chick and get busy. Seriously!! It takes at least an hour first. (lolirl) Seriously though, It takes a bit of preparation to get a girl naked. At least, the ones I talk to.

Firstly, its important to find out how compatible she is to our true character. I no longer hide how perverse I am, so it takes about 5 mins to find out if a girl is attracted or repulsed by that sort of thing. Traditionally, the next step would be to find out if there is a significant other involved, but I usually skip this step. If such a person exists, they'll show themselves sooner or later.

Next, it is important to establish a rapport between you and this female based on the fact that you have more or less an accurate grasp of each other's personality. This is where I usually mess up. Maybe I show too much, too soon, or maybe I read them wrong..... but whatever the case, at this point I may become the recipient of disgust, scorn, or even a slap in the face!! (only happened once). This doesn't mean my approach is wrong (truth, not fact) but that the other party was not compatible with my personality.

Anyway. I dont know why this has turned into a lecture, that was not the case. I originally wanted to post a couple of the fantasies I've been partially sharing with Sylphe (heh, heh) but, as usual, things turned out differently.


-Anyway....I'm a weird fellow, so I spend a lot of time having fantasies. I love my fantasies. Most of them are, of course, about sex, but they're not vapid pornos. They're more like action flicks with a highly detailed sex scenes. Of course.....some of them are pornos....like that one where Sylphe and I went to this bar.... and we had X, and got horny... and made out on the bar.... before I spread put her to sit on the bar so I could lick her little pink clit in front of dozens of strangers.....

-I cut that one short.

-I love cereal, especially fruit loops

-I love pancakes

-I love snakes

-Dean Koontz is awesome!!! the most memorable book I've read from him was that one that the kid can see 'all the ways things are'. At first, I thought he was a precog, but it turned out to be much cooler than just that. The kid could actually see all the various alternate universes..... Now tell me.... isnt that awesome?

-I frequently make horrible typos.

Reading this over...... its a load of crap. I have already retyped it twice, so I'm tired. I'm done. Till next time!!!

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz

On nothing in particular

Work gets annoying sometimes. Well, I suppose all people says that at one time or the other... But I honestly believe that spending almost 8 hours a day talking to persons who have no clue that pressing a button on the remote that's labelled 'Power' will cause their TV/DVD Player/etc. to turn on so they can interact with it is just a little bit more annoying than most other jobs.

But, today is not about my job (which I happen to love, btw). Well.... to be honest, I had a topic for today's post, but I was way too busy to type this up at the time and now I have no idea what it was *shrugs* .


Random ramblings:

-So today started out to be a Jason Mraz kinda day, but in the end I ended up listening to Gym Class Heroes all day long.

-I have developed an interesting obssession with Snaps (a snack) and grape-flavoured Tropicana (a drink).

-I work in a call centre, where I cover like....idk, about 10+ products, and I'm also a switchboard operator. Thus I have the unfortunate ability to sometimes transfer a call, only to have it back on my line. This happened no fewer than 3 times today.

-Ever noticed that it's easy to plan a budget, but almost impssible to stick to it? I've proven this so many times its annoying.

-I usually say I dont listen to dancehall music, but recently I've heard some kick-ass lyrics that made me laugh. I may start listening to it. That would mean that I actively listen to every type of music I can remember being exposed to!!

-My favourite expression is 'Jesu Christi!!!'

-I'm hypoglycemic but hyperactive (I have no idea how that works). I am also hypertensive. Nevertheless, I've never once been in danger from these things. Wanna know what landed me in hospital for 3 weeks? Not eating properly. I mean, kinda seems weird, but who am I to judge?

-Hospitals freak me out.

-I smile when i'm angry

-I sometimes throw random sentences in a conversation just to watch people become lost at the abrupt change in topic.

-I was a narcissist, supremeist, chauvanist child. I am a depressive, self-repressive, introverted adult. I have friends. None of the first 2 statements compliment the third.

-I love food (I will write on this one day, I promise)

- I am celibate by choice, compounded by circumstance.


So those were some fun facts about me. Well... maybe not fun, but definitely stuff that I think about.

So untill tomorrow, dear non-readers!

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz

A fresh start....and related ramblings

Starting a new blog while I havent been keeping up with the old one? not really. My Random Posts blog was made for just that: random posts. Aside from that though, its rather hard to access tumblr from my work computer without breaking any laws, so that's a huge no-no. My solution: a new blog.

So this blog wont follow the precedent set by the old one.....or maybe it will. I actualy have no clue what direction this will take. The aim is, of course, that this will be a record of my journy to eventual self-enlightenment, but we all know that I'm no buddah; I simply lack the self restraint.

So, lets start with a managable goal first: I'll try to post at least once a day. This means that I'll end up posting quite a number of uneventful posts and quite possibly bore anyone who thinks of reading this, but I guess this blog isnt really for the public anyway. Its for me. More specifically, this is so that a couple years down the road I can look back and see what kind of progress I've made from this point. Some people do this with pictures.... I hate pictures I hate taking pictures of myself. (this is gonna take a while. Lets start a new paragraph).

Yes, so...I hate taking pictures of myself. This stems from waaay back. Dont get it twisted, I had no occurrences of my Mom or other family member calling me ugly or anythng. I just looked in the mirror one day and hated what I saw. I dont know why, I dont know how...... It just happened. After that, i searched all over the house, found all the pictures that had my face in them, and either tore them up (if I was the only person in the pic) or cut out my face. Just the face. The rest of the body was in no way significant (or is that significant in and of itself?)

Over the years, I've grown to at least tolerate the sight of myself, but I still hate pictures. I'll send pictures to other people (via bbm and such things) but if I see the pictures being displayed I fly into a rage (more on this later). Of course, this means that there are no mirrors in my room and I avoid the one in the bathroom as much as possible. This creates quite a stir whenever I *cough* entertain young ladies *cough* at my residence as they all seem to think living without a mirror is akin to being infected with all seven Major Sins (isn't it odd how that is an actual proper noun?) at once. Not kidding. That's what one girl said. Honest!

So.... apart from that, I love pictures. Especially those of naked women. Not to jerk off/wank/blow a wad/*insert masturbatory alias here* to, but because I admire women. Honestly, I hardly masturbate. Why? well...*steps on brakes*..... Let us not go off on a tangent. I'll explore that at length another time, in another post. Eventually. If i remember. Anyway, I love pics of women for their beauty. There is  primitive beauty in a naked woman. Look beyond the eroticism next time you see a naked woman (if you can) and you'sll see what I mean.

I think thats it for the day though.... gonna play around with themes and gadgets. Till next time....

-Kapil Dev
-Necrodevz